Category Archives: Uncategorized
“Help me understand… vs. Why”
So often they way something is said makes a difference in how a child or teen responds. I recommend that a parent not ask “why” something happened when it doesn’t make any difference. After all, what is the point of … Continue reading
Beyond the Star Chart-Making Real Behavior Changes
Parents often tell me they have tried star charts and reward methods, but “they don’t work.” As they describe in more detail what they have tried we come to realize that the method was missing some key elements. Next time … Continue reading
Sufficient Sleep Improves Behavior
The National Sleep Foundation recommends 10-11 hours of sleep for children 5-12. Teenagers need between 9 and 10 hours, but often don’t get even 8 hours. Using computers during the hour before lights out causes interference with the brain … Continue reading
Don’t Just Say, “I’m sorry”
When a child has made a social mistake, or hurt someone’s feelings we often automatically tell them to “Say, you’re sorry.” Sometimes the child will say the words, but not connect them with any real feeling of regret for the … Continue reading
Loving Discipline for Babies and Toddlers
Scolding and timeouts don’t work for most babies and toddlers under 36 months. So what can you do? Distract them with a song, story or more interesting object or activity. Redirect their attention by bringing out a new or favorite … Continue reading
Verbal abuse
The word “abuse” comes from the root words for “misuse.” Many parents ask me what exactly is verbal abuse. Parents don’t have to be quiet and “nicey-nicey” all the time. Healthy family members can get angry and express anger at … Continue reading
Discipline is not a euphemism for punishment
Discipline is the control that comes from parental guidance and leadership that allows the child to develop optimal self-control. Authoritarian parenting often results in either rebellion or lack of self-confidence. Passive parenting often results in children who lack internal structure. … Continue reading
“Losing your temper”
If you give yourself permission to lose control because you are angry, you teach your children that they can lose control when they are angry. Key idea: Your children learn from your behavior whether you want them to or not.
Difficult conversations with our children
Inevitably, we will need to have difficult conversations with our children. Truth is the best policy. Telling the truth encourages them to tell us the truth, and encourages them to trust you! Some examples: “Grampa was very, very sick. The … Continue reading
In honor of Fathers’ Day
Every child can benefit from the influence of a good father, or good father-figure. Children who have a father or father-figure who pays attention to them have a stronger belief in their own ability to control and determine their own … Continue reading
Melody M. Lowman, M.A. 