Melody Lowman is available to assist individuals and families with the process of selecting a pre-school, public or private elementary school or high school. She also assists in the challenging process of college selection and the application process.
Melody can work with families and schools to solve learning or behavior problems within the child’s current school. She can assist families in identifying enrichment programs that will be supportive of the students’ interests and exploration.
Melody can also assist families seeking remediation resources for students who are falling behind or have learning problems. Melody is especially interested in gifted and twice-exceptional students. She is a member of National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC), SENG, The Gifted Network and the California Association for Gifted Children (CAG). She has worked with gifted and twice-exceptional students since 1964.
Melody is interested in working with students from other countries and cultures. She is one of the founding parents of a thriving internationally-oriented K-8 Montessori school in California.
As a fencer, fencing mother and fencing grandmother, and member of USFA and USFCA, she is familiar with the fencing programs in United States colleges and universities, from Division I to Club fencing. She is Safe Sport Certified and a member of the Positive Coaching Alliance. Melody can guide the young fencer and family through planning, searching and applying processes. (She does NO recruiting and does not represent any specific program) See the Advancing Toward College website page.
If she is not an appropriate resource for your family, she will assist you with a referral to an alternative consultant.
Help Your Child Be Ready for Kindergarten
Help your child develop the following large motor skills: Hopping, jumping, skipping, walking around things on the floor without stepping on them, hanging from a climbing structure for a few seconds, climbing up onto a bed, walking up and down stairs one foot at a time, pedals a tricycle, throwing a ball, catching a ball, getting onto and off a swing, beginning to “pump” and not just be pushed.
Help your child develop the following small motor skills: Holding a crayon, marker or pencil with fingers (not fist), cutting with scissors, lacing cards with holes, writing letters in name, pasting. Your child should be able to copy a circle and an X when asked.
Help your child learn to take care of him-or herself: Using the toilet without help, unless ill, putting on and taking off a sweater or jacket, putting on and taking off socks and shoes, eating food using fork and spoon, drinking from a regular cup or glass, using a tissue, and throwing it into the trash, beginning to brush teeth, asking before touching something that belongs to someone else, and verbally asking a caregiver/teacher for help.
Help your child be ready verbally: By the time children enter kindergarten they need to be able to speak clearly enough so that other children can understand them. They also need to be able to speak clearly enough so that non-family member adults can understand them.
- Children need to be able to give his or her name when asked.
- They need to respond to their name. They need to be able to call other children by name.
- Children need to be able to ask another child to play, and ask for a turn on the swing, or with a toy.
- They need to be able to say “Please don’t throw sand at me” or the like.
- They need to be able to name most common objects in their home and school environment, by the correct name.
- Children need to be able to ask a teacher for help (tying a shoe, or getting a toy down from a shelf, or solving a problem with another child).
- Children should be able to use words to identify major emotions: happy, sad, angry, scared, confused.
- They need to be able to ask to go to the bathroom, using language that a teacher could understand. (Cute words are fine at home but teachers won’t necessarily know the expressions.)
- They need to be able to answer simple questions about a story that has just been read to them.
Help your child be ready socially: There is a great deal of overlap between language readiness for kindergarten and social readiness for kindergarten. Children need to be able to solve social problems with words and ask for help in kindergarten.
- Additionally, Children need to be able to initiate play with others:
- “Do you want to ride in my boat?”
- Children need to be able to use language to take turns:
- “You can be the captain now, and then I will.”
- Children need to be able to report a problem to a teacher:
- “I hurt my finger.”
- Children should be able to use and respond to simple greetings: good morning, good-bye, see you tomorrow.
- Children should be able to ask the “W” questions:
- “Who has the ball?”
- “Where is the bathroom?”
- “When is mommy coming back?”
- “What is that big thing across the street?”
- “Why can’t I run in the hallway?”
- Children should be able to able to listen to a series of two to three requests:
- “Please take your book and go sit on the rug.”
Help your child be ready intellectually: This is a long list, but ideally you have been working on it since your child was a baby.
- Your child should be able to look at objects and identify big and little, big, bigger and biggest, small, smaller and smallest, long and short, high and low, hot and cold. Ideally, make this a fun game.
- Your child should be able to point to and name: red, yellow, blue, orange, green, purple, black and white.
- Your child should be able to match colors, objects and shapes, perhaps by playing a child’s lotto game.
- Your child should be able to point to a circle and a square when asked, maybe while you play with chalk.
- Your child should be able to recite to 10 and count objects up to 10.
- Your child should be able to point to objects in a picture book: “Where is the mouse hiding on this page?”
- Can turn pages of a book without tearing.
- Can name the letters of the alphabet when you point to them.
- If your child can, begin to introduce the sound that the letter makes.
- Can name up to 10 zoo animals and 10 farm animals. If you can, go to a zoo or a farm park; if not, look for picture books with photographs, not cartoon drawings.
- Can repeat a sentence of 6-8 words. “Today, we are going to the park.”
- Can recognize his or her own printed name, even better can begin to write it.
- Can listen to a story or book for 5 or more minutes (Questions and comments allowed, and welcomed!)
- Can identify a day activity and a night activity (Go to school; Go to bed)
- Knows his or her own birthday, and how old he or she is, with words, not just fingers.
- Demonstrates the following correctly: up, down, in, out, front, back, on, under, top, middle, bottom, beside/next to, hot, cold, fast, slow
- Can complete a simple puzzle. (I like Lauri foam rubber puzzles; they are washable and the company replaces missing pieces)
- Can draw a simple figure that resembles what he or she names: “It’s a dog!”
- Has an attention span of 5 minutes of doing what you want and 15 minutes of doing what he or she wants.
Wait a minute, you might say, I thought that these are the things that children learned in Kindergarten! You are right, they used to be. Kindergartens now generally expect children to have most of these skills before they begin kindergarten. Children who have not developed many of these skills might not be ready for Kindergarten and would do better and be happier in a Young 5’s, a Pre-K, or a Transitional Kindergarten. Parents should not “drill” their children on these skills but rather use the pre-school years to integrate these skills into daily family life. Parents should also make sure that either daycare or preschool is helping their child develop these skills
As you prepare to choose a school or college…
Choosing a school or college for yourself or your child? First ask: what are your priorities?
THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT IN A COLLEGE
Use the list below to help you identify your priorities. You could use it as a checklist by marking the characteristics that are most important to you with a 1. Mark it with a 3 if it is not important to you at all, and mark it with a 2 if it is neither important, nor unimportant:
____Public college or university
____Private college or university
____Substantial financial aid
____Residential-most undergraduates live on campus
____Commuter-many, or most students commute by car or public transit
____Urban-in or near a large city
____Location close to family members
____Coed (both men and women attend)
____Single gender (just men or just women)
____Strong study abroad opportunities
____West Coast of the United States
____Northwestern United States
____Midwestern United States
____Eastern United States
____Southern United States
____European college or university
____Scotland, Wales, Ireland
____Liberal arts emphasis
____Specific subject area strength__________________________________________________________
____Foreign language specialty
____Strong athletics in general
____Athletic recruitment to my sport____________________________________________
____Co-op program (work for credit in my specialty while studying)
____Learning services for learning disability or difference
____Physical disability services
____Legacy-close family member graduated or is currently attending
____Specific climate (warm weather, easy access to water, easy access to snow, etc.)
____Greek Life (fraternities/sororities)
____Religious affiliation in my faith______________________________________________
- No school is perfect: which weaknesses can you live with or supplement?
- Look for goodness of fit with your family’s style and beliefs.
- Be realistic about your young person’s academic ability and maturity.
- Let the student know that schools and families choose each other.
- Do not suggest to the student that he or she alone will choose the school; he or she will have input, but family, school and student make the final choice.
- If possible, visit school drama productions, sports events or science fairs.
- Make the visits positive and relaxed.
- Let your student be him or herself. The student will be more relaxed.
- Let your high school or college-bound student take the lead on a visit.
- Be honest with yourself about what is financially realistic.
- Be truthful with the school or college; answer all questions honestly.
- At many schools both the student and family are considered for goodness of fit.
- Be courteous and discreet with school and college personnel and other parents.
- At the high school and college level act as an “executive assistant” to your child.
- Keep communication with your child and the schools positive and open.
- Keep good records!
- Follow directions! (This is a constant complaint from schools and colleges)
- File all paperwork and make payments on time.
- Don’t ask for special favors from schools unless there is an emergency.
- Utilize free resources such as the College Board and ACT Websites.
- Don’t limit your options or count on anything until it is in writing.
- NO ONE can offer admission to a school or college except the Admissions Office.
Helping an Anxious Student
Behavior driven by anxiety can look like willful misbehavior. The important and useful thing to keep in mind is that the anxious child is afraid. He or she is going to misperceive ambiguous interpersonal interactions or unexpected situations as dangerous. When a child experiences a situation as dangerous this can lead to misbehavior, which at least in part, is driven by the sense that he or she must escape or protect him- or herself. Consider the following suggestions for an anxious child.
- Positively reenforce compliant behavior.
- Identify situations which typically lead to anxiety and noncompliance.
- Try to recognize early warning signs of anxiety such as physical agitation.
- Give the child an opportunity to leave the classroom by using a secret signal you and the child have agreed upon.
- Discreetly offer the child reminders to try to relax muscles, breathe out slowly or use other techniques he or she has learned.
- Minimize attention for minor misbehavior.
- The student will be most successful in structured, predictable situations.
- The student will be most successful working alone or with one other student.
- Start the day with a warm greeting. Reassure occasionally with a smile or gesture.
- Agree on a “secret signal” to remind the student to compose him- or herself.
- When possible, try to warn the student of unusual upcoming events, such as fire drills or teacher absences.
- Get the student’s attention before delivering short, direct instructions.
- Quiet, slow speech can reduce anxiety.
- When possible give directions in both verbal and written form.
- If the student is overwhelmed by the size of assignments break them into smaller pieces.
- After the student calms down after an incident the student should be asked what led to the problem, and what could have been done instead.
- The teacher and student should target specific behavior for improvement. The behavior should be positively reenforced each day, part day or hour until it becomes habit.
- Identify the student’s strengths and provide opportunities to demonstrate them.
- Offer the student opportunities to help the teacher or librarian if the student enjoys those tasks.
- Get consultation from the school psychologist or by reading about children and anxiety.
How Parents Can Help a Young Person Get Ready for College
Ideally, parents help their children prepare for all aspects of growing up. Getting ready to choose and apply to college is complex and confusing for many families. The selection and application process has changed in recent years, so even parents with college experience themselves and with older children might find the process different from what they expected. I strongly recommend that families help their children think about their future education and careers as an integral part of family life, rather than as a rushed, urgent process junior year of high school. I recommend beginning relaxed conversations about college and career beginning by the end of eighth grade. I list below several suggestions of how families can help their children get ready for college without pressuring them.
- Throughout your children’s lives, look for opportunities to teach life skills such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, money-management, basic first aid, and basic repairs around the house.
- Take an interest in hobby and career interests even if they seem unrealistic.
- They are part of self-exploration so keep an open mind.
- Invite family friends and neighbors with positive attitudes to talk about their college experiences and careers.
- When on excursions and vacations visit college campuses; athletic events, museums, open campus days, even interesting buildings and gardens on campuses.
- If financially possible, give your student opportunities to attend summer programs and camps to strengthen weak areas as well as explore or expand interests, or even to eliminate them.
- Encourage participation in a variety of sports and artistic activities.
- Beginning in middle school or junior high encourage sustained participation in their favorites.
- Get your young person help for weak or problem areas sooner rather than later. Beginning in about eighth grade create a time line of school years and summers between then and college entrance.
Go to the College Board website or the book College Match for recommended activities for each school year and summers. When the college selection process begins in earnest in junior year, assist your young person by managing details such as due dates and check lists. Many parents find it is helpful to think of themselves as “executive assistants” assisting their young person, but never writing applications or essays for them. Recognize that even with the best preparation not every young person is interested in, or ready for college as soon as they finish high school. If your young person is ambivalent about college, assist him or her to plan a constructive “gap year” engaging in exploration of a possible career interest.
College Selection and Application Myths
“Private colleges are harder to get into than public colleges” Not always so!
“Private schools are too expensive” Many private colleges offer generous financial aid
“Famous colleges are better” A regrettably common myth that causes students to miss out on some wonderful educational opportunities.
“Excellence in a sport will result in a scholarship.” Not necessarily! Grades come first and Ivy League schools don’t grant athletic scholarships and colleges have limited athletic scholarship money.
“If parents, grandparents and siblings went to a college then a student will automatically be admitted.” This is not true. While having a close relative who is an alumnus might help, it does not guarantee an acceptance.
“A coach will get me in.” “A coach promised I would be accepted.” A student should not consider himself/herself accepted until an official letter of acceptance is received from the Admissions Office of a college or university.
“If I have a bad grade or a bad semester I won’t be able to get into a college.” Many colleges allow a student to explain unusual circumstances that led to a lower grade or a poor semester. Sometimes colleges will admit a student provisionally and allow the student to make up a grade or demonstrate ability to do college work. Don’t give up without trying!
What Do College Consider in Applicants?
Each college takes different factors into consideration, and give different weight to each factor. The list below represents most of the factors colleges tend to take into consideration. When you work with a college advisor or educational consultant he or she can help you research which factors apply to the colleges you are considering.
The first three factors are usually weighed most heavily by most colleges:
- High school grades, 9th through all of 12th
- Test scores (Some colleges are “test optional, which means that the student can take and submit scores, but is not required to do so)
- Quality of writing (very important)
- Extracurricular activities-especially long-term participation and relatedness to possible major or career
- Demonstrated leadership
- Letters of recommendation Immediate family member/s graduated from the college
- Family history of alumni participation and donation
- Athletic achievement-heavily weighed for recruited athletes
- Artistic achievement-heavily weighed for fine and performing arts majors and special colleges
- Research internships or jobs, especially related to the student’s academic interest of objective
- Interview with Admissions Representative or Alumni Representative
- Evidence of visiting and touring the campus, which demonstrates serious interest in the school
- Evidence of good character (no suspensions, arrests etc.)
- Good explanations for a period of lower academic performance
- Geographic distribution (if the college is interested in admitting someone from your home state or country)
- Your strong preference for the college
- Some unusual personal achievement
- For colleges with religious affiliations-your statement of faith and evidence of our active participation in your faith community
Did you know…?
- Famous name colleges are not necessarily better for every student.
- Where you live can increase or decrease your admission chances.
- Freshman year and second semester senior year of high school “count” toward admission to college.
- Admission officers and college coaches sometimes check a student’s social media.
- A family’s financial aid application information is frequently cross-verified with the IRS.
- You are NOT admitted until the college and the student have signed admission documents.
- Sometimes private colleges can cost less than public colleges.
- When you receive your financial aid packages, you can negotiate for more if you need to do so.
- A very common reason for not being admitted, even when qualified, is failure to follow application instructions.
- Students do not necessarily graduate in four years.
- Elite colleges don’t look for “well-rounded” students, they look for “oval” students who have demonstrated long term interests and achievements.
Making the Most Out of Visiting College Campuses
Trips to visit colleges can be expensive and time consuming. There are many things parents and students can do to make the most of campus visits.
Before you leave, read the website of the college. Read student reviews such as those on College Prowler. Read the information in a college guidebook such as Fiske or Barron’s. Don’t judge a school prematurely on the basis of what just one person says about a school. If you are seriously interested in the college, print out the information to take with you on your visit.
Try to visit at least one day when the college is in session. It is hard to judge the character of a college when students are studying or taking finals, or on vacation. If the website gives information about tours for prospective students make notes about when tours are offered, where the tour begins, and if you need to make a reservation, then do so. Check the weather prediction to see if you need to take a coat or umbrella. Wear comfortable shoes. If you have a car, when you first arrive at a school, drive around the local community and the campus to get oriented; look around. Do you generally like what you see? One of the best places to visit while you are on campus is the Admissions Office where you can often get booklets and other handouts that are not on the website. Be sure to get a map of the campus if you haven’t printed one from the website. Take a guided tour, or a self-guided tour. Ask if you can see something that is of special interest to you, such as a dorm room, a music practice studio or the area where your sport is practiced. If there is an instructor or coach you would really like to work with, see if you can make an appointment with that person. Find out if you can eat on campus where students eat. Go to the library and the Student Center. Pick up a campus newspaper. Reading it will give you an idea of what is of interest to students on that campus. Go to the campus bookstore. An especially good area to visit is the textbook section. In the textbook section of the department you are especially interested in, you will see what kinds of books are being assigned. Notice if the books are current or out of date. Notice if the books represent a balanced perspective or a rigid point of view. You can also judge the general workload of assigned reading.
As you walk around the campus look at the posters and announcements of speakers, performances, athletic events, student clubs and activities. Do you see anything that is interesting to you? See if you can get a copy of the current course list or catalog. If you are interested in a particular field, or subject, look in that section. Do the courses seem interesting to you? If you have a major (main subject area) in mind, does the college offer a major in that subject? If you want the freedom to choose most of your courses does the college have that flexibility? Or, is there a prescribed course of study with few choices? Do you like the anonymity and range of choices at a big school, or the close relationships with teachers and other students of a small school? Does the school offer the opportunity to (cross register) take courses at nearby colleges? Do you think you could be politically and philosophically comfortable at this school?
If, after visiting, you think you are interested in the school, visit the Financial Aid Office. This is a good meeting to attend with your parent or parents if they are going to help you finance your college education. The tuition, fees and room and board cost listed on the website are a starting point, but many schools offer scholarships, aid, loans, work-study and student jobs to students who want to attend the school but don’t have the means to pay the full fees. If your parents are going to help you pay for your college education they will need to gather and photocopy some of their financial documents that will need to be sent to the colleges to which you apply.
Remember that your grades, test scores, arts and athletic accomplishments, as well as volunteer work related to your field of interest, will all increase not only the likelihood of your getting into a school, but also can increase the likelihood of financial help from the school.
Finally, see if you can wander the campus for a while without your parents.
MAKING THE MOST OF ATTENDING A COLLEGE FAIR
A college fair is like window-shopping for a college. Usually a college fair is held in a large room with rows of many tables. At each table is an admissions representative from a college, university, an educational testing program (SAT, ACT) or an enrichment program (camp, internship).
A college fair is a busy, noisy event where you can gather a great deal of information, in one place, in a short time, for free. The following suggestions will help you make the most of your experience of a college fair.
To find a college fair, ask your high school college advisor, enter college fair in an on-line search, or go to NACAC, an organization that sponsors college fairs. Find one in your area. Check with your parents about attending. Register on-line. If possible go to the fair as soon as it opens, when it is slightly less busy. If possible, ask your parents to leave pets and younger siblings at home. They would be bored and stressed by the noise and activity.
Before you to to the fair, read the websites of any colleges you think you might be interested in. Read through the list of characteristics of colleges on this page. think through what you want in a college, and what you don’t yet know. Consider writing down any questions you might have for a college representative.
Dress neatly, you want to make a good impression on the representatives. Take a clipboard and a pen, or some means of taking some notes. If there is a pre-fair workshop that is interesting to you try to attend it. As you arrive at the fair itself you will check in and be given an entry card and a bag to carry brochures and other materials the representatives will give you. You will probably be given a map of the room or rooms so you can find the colleges you are especially interested in. Try to visit any colleges you are especially interested in when the table is less busy.
After looking at your favorite schools begin walking up and down the rows of table. Stop by the tables of colleges that interest you. If the table is not crowded and the representative is not talking with someone else, say “Hello,” and introduce yourself. “Hi, I’m Taylor Jones, a junior at City High School. I’m especially interested in _____. What are the most important things I should know about XYZ College?” After the representative responds, take a brochure, sign in, or scan your entry card, and thank the representative and ask for his or her card. Move on to the next table. Of course you will visit the tables that interest you, but visit some of the tables of colleges you don’t know about. You might find the perfect college for you is one you haven’t heard of yet!
If you feel tired or stressed, take a break in a quiet hallway. Take a small bottle of water and a simple snack with you to the fair to revive your energy. Return to the tables and visit with the representatives. The person behind that table will probably be one of the people who reads your application. Make a good impression by being clean and neat. Make eye contact and ask at least one good question. A good question is one to which you would actually like to know the answer, and the answer isn’t easily found on the college website. “Can you tell me some examples of undergraduate research opportunities?”=good question. “How big is your school?”=poor question for two reasons; do you mean size of campus or number of students, and the answers to both can be easily found on a website.
After the fair read the booklets and brochures you picked up at the fair. Recycle any you are not interested in, or share them with friends. If you are becoming more interested in some of the colleges read through the official website. Send a thank you note or e-mail to the college representatives who were especially helpful. (Remember, you asked for his or her card.) Finally, thank your parents or the adult who took you to the fair.
PREPARING THE ‘BRAG SHEET’
You have been told for years that you are not supposed to brag, and now you are being asked to write a Brag Sheet and turn it in to your school advisor and the teachers who will write your college letters of recommendations. Let me try to make writing your Brag Sheet a little bit easier by giving you a list of what it should have on it. Good luck!
Full name, and nick name if you have one, such as John Jacob Jones, “Jake” Address, e-mail and phone number, including area code Primary interest, such as “I am interested in studying biology and hope to go to medical school some day.” Extracurricular activities, from 9th grade until the present, including which years, how many hours per week, and any positions held, such as Pre-medical Explorer Post 220, 9th grade to the present, 4-6 hours per month, Currently Vice-president Cross-country Team, 9th, 10, 11, 12. Second place in Junior year Spring finals Community Service, from 9th grade to the present, such as Employment, such as CVS Pharmacy Aide 11th and 12th grade, 2 hours a week Summer Experiences, such as National Student Leadership Program in the Sciences, 4 weeks, 10th grade summer Community Church Service Project, building latrines in Oaxaca, Mexico, 2 weeks, 11th grade summer Hobbies/Interests, such as, I enjoy photography and hiking
Check with your parent or parents to see if they remember anything you forgot.
Give a Brag Sheet to your advisor and one to year teacher who will be writing your letters of recommendation to colleges.
Do NOT forget to write thank you notes or e-mails to each person who writes you a letter of recommendation! Good luck!
THE COLLEGE INTERVIEW
Some colleges, especially private colleges and universities require or recommend interviews. If a college offers an opportunity for and interview, take it. You can get information from an interview that you can’t get elsewhere. An interview also demonstrates sincere interest in a college. In most cases after your interview your interviewer will complete a form about you and send it to the Admissions Office. It will become part of your application. It is especially valuable to interview with a representative from colleges in which you are especially interested, and colleges in which you are interested, but you have not been able to visit.
There are two kinds of interviewers: Admissions Officers who work for the college or university, and alumni volunteers who have a close relationship with the college or university, but are not employees. The interview in both cases is similar, but sometimes the alumni interviewer doesn’t have complete information. Below are some suggestions for how to make the best use of your interview.
Your appearance is important. Be sure you are neat and clean. Dress neatly. Don’t wear anything with logos from other colleges; preferably don’t wear logos, images or saying at all. If you are wearing a hat, take it off and leave it off. (If you wear a head covering for religious reasons this comment does not apply)
Be sure to reread the website of the college before the interview. Think about why you are interested in the college. Be prepared to discuss those reasons.
Bring paper and pen or pencil to take notes. Taking notes will help you stay focused and control your nervousness. At the top of the page write down the name of the college.
Think about what you would like to know, or know more about the college. Try hard not to ask questions that can be answered by reading the website. That would show you haven’t done your “homework.” Do NOT ask about other colleges. Do NOT make negative comments about the college for which you are interviewing.
Be courteous. Arrive on time! If you arrive first and are seated, stand up and shake hands when the interviewer arrives. Do not interrupt the interviewer. If it is a group interview, do not interrupt other students and do not chat with them during the interview.
Don’t touch your hair or your skin irritations during the interview.
DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR PHONE DURING THE INTERVIEW. TURN IT OFF.
Do not chew gum during the interview. If you are in a cafe’ and you have something then that is fine, but don’t order anything to eat. It can get messy and awkward having your mouth full when you are asked a question, chewing, spilling. Don’t risk it-eat later.
Ask for your interviewer’s card. If he or she does not have a card, ask the interviewer to write down his or her name and address/e-mail on the paper you brought on which to take notes. After the interview, send a brief thank you for the interviewer’s time. If you really like the college, you can comment: “I especially appreciated your information about the opportunity for visiting classes before registering.” or “After the interview, I feel even more sure that University of XYZ is my first choice.”
Remember that the interviewer is there to help you. If you discover your like the college even more that you expected, Great! If you discover that you like it less, that is excellent information too. You don’t need to bother to apply, but write a thank you note anyway.
Good luck and try to have a good time.